Munting Silip sa Tugatog

            Sa humigit kumulang anim na raang beses nang pagsikat ng araw ako ay walang ibang ipinalangin kung hindi ang isang beses na paghatid nito ng kakaibang init na makapagdadala sa akin doon sa tugatog. Habang aking ginugunita ang inakala kong napakatagal na paghihintay, wari ay dalawang pikit lamang ng mga mata ang kinailangan upang kahit ang nainitang hangin ng sikat ay dumampi sa aking balat.

Noong una, ang dampi ay nagdala ng kakaibang kaba. Isang hindi kapanipanibagong pakiramdam ngunit ngayon ay may kaunting ipinagkaiba sa aking kinagisnan. Humakbang ako paitaas ng entablado at hindi na nagtaka sa natatanging bagay na nakamasid sa akin. Ilang sandali lamang bumuka na ang aking bibig at mabilis na inutay utay ang mga salitang aking minadaling isulat habang paparoon sa lugar. Makaraan ang ilang minuto ng pagtatanghal sa entabladong may iisang lente ang dinadalang bigat ng damdamin ay napalitan ng galak sa puso. Sa aking isipan ay naglaro ang  mga salitang naglalarawan ng pag-asa—pag-asang sa hinaharap ay matanaw rin kahit sa pagsilip iyong tugatog.

Tik tok ang sabi ng kampay. Dumaan ang buwan, linggo, at mga araw na puno ng katahimikan. Ako ay naghintay, pasilay-silay sa pulang ilaw ng telepono, nagbabakasakaling hindi ko lamang naririnig ang pag-tunog nito. ‘Nakalulungkot, ganyan talaga.’ nasabi ko sa aking sarili. ‘Haha. Sabagay isipin ang pag-aaral.’ pinilit kong tumawa at umiwas. Umiwas na sumilay doon sa nakabubulag na liwanag.

Ako ay lumayo, pansamantalang kinalimutan ang tugatog. Inakalang ito ang pinakamarapat na gawin upang maiwasan ang panang tagos-tadyang kung tumama. Ngunit sa paglayo, ako ay napaisip, nalaman: ang pagsuko, hindi ba kaduwagan?. Napangiti ako at sinabi sa sariling hindi mainam malihis sapagkat kung gaano kasidhi ang pagkagusto ay siya din dapat tatag ng tao.

Tik tok ang sabi ng kampay. Daraan na naman ang buwan, linggo, at mga araw ng pasukan. Ako ay papalabas na ng bahay, hindi na makapaghintay, nang aking biglang naibaling ang atensyon sa teleponong dati-rati ay tahimik. Nanibago sa berdeng ilaw na noon ay pulang pagkasakit-sakit sa mata. Dali-dali akong kumaripas at pinakinggan ang mensaheng hatid ng tagapagbalita. Tumagal lamang ng ilang minuto ang aming pag-uusap ngunit tila ang mensaheng ibinatid sa akin ay magpapauli-ulit sa tainga ng ilang milenyo. Ilang sandali ang nakalipas, namulat akong nagpapasalamat sa Maykapal para sa napakagandang balitang narinig.

Wala akong mapagsilan ng tuwa.

Pagkalabas sa pintuan, humigop ako nang malamig na hangin, pinakiramdaman ang init ng sinag, tumingala, at muling nagpasalamat para sa isang munting pagsilip tungo doon sa tugatog.

Poem 215

I saw you staring at me

Our eyes chanced on I felt

The love, the passion and care;

Time stooped to witness the connection,

 Our spark; A company also noticed the line

We embarked.

Yet it did not last long

The Master was too swift and unforgiving;

Our sight changed focus—too sad a vision—

I am feeling;

Now that the line was gone

We had no spark, none at all;

I am afraid it was just a stare

And really

Nothing more.

Mirror or Expediator

THE MAIN ISSUE in defining social and cultural change is that the word ‘change’ itself is broad in sense. There are a number of factors that influence change in society and culture e.g. economy, values, technology, education, environment, and the like but to focus more on the power of media to drive or retard changes, it can be asserted that mass communication possess one of the key roles to influence and mold a social structure. Mass media is a compelling agent of social change and stability—yet in both and different ways.

            In order to have a clearer understanding on the role of mass media as a propeller or hindrance to as what can be defined as transformations of societal patterns, media’s function in socialization should underline that it’s role is to be an ‘instrument’ of the general public, which mere reflects the society. As a mere reflector of society, the culprit then of why media can be either an influence or a barrier towards these changes is that change really depends on society itself and are only promoted by the media.  Although a negating premise may arise here since the presence of media filters should be considered. However, at the end of the day, it is the general public that makes up society and everyone should, more often than not, rely on a careful judgment of credibility.

            On the affirmative note, media acquires the power to influence social and cultural changes because as a dominant agent it can impose to the audience a new life pattern in which either will improve or corrupt a society’s foundation. To prove this, one needs to unravel the message content that media presents. In the controversy on whether or not tolerate the use of artificial contraceptives in the Philippines; media can be opinionated, say correlation as function of media get involved. As of this, if the content that media presents to its audience is to favor the propagation of contraceptive use in the country and considering that media is a powerful force to change or give insights of what ‘reality’ is in the public, chances are the audience may develop a mindset that can on that aspect be purely shaped by media. In this case, if media imposes that artificial contraceptive use is better compared from any natural forms and presents viable information to the people that it is now very timely to switch from traditional to a more improved method, all the more people will be encouraged to prefer the change media favors.

            Indeed, a very important element of media influence is its content. Similar applies with the notion on the kind of media that retards change. If the message conveys an opposition to change there is a high chance to influence the public to resist it as well taking into account communication’s authority towards them.

            Moreover, through the communication’s ritual perspective, media has the power to create a reality—a kind of society in which the ritual of the mass is imposed. This ritual function of communication enables the preservation of socialization and in that aspect can deprive society from modifications.            For example, the transfer of community ideals from one generation to another and expecting them to respond positively from this status quo can be achieved when communication persists to feed this notion to the public understandings. Then, tradition is preserved, by not allowing change to penetrate and affect the existing conditions of a society.

            To reiterate, mass media can be either an influence or an impediment for social and cultural changes this is so because media is a mere instrument of society and therefore only works as its reflector. What society and its culture encompass is what, as well, media represents. In lieu of mass media as an agent or not an agent of change, a number of premises exist.  One is that media may primarily reinforce existing views that society holds. Another, it may bring radical or evolutionary changes in society resulting to short term or long term change. However, the most important one to bear in mind is the fact that communication works for people and is a mere agent that can provide or modify perspectives for its audience. It can be a culprit of change or it can be the otherwise but what and should function always is the own perception of society to embrace change or not. The own rationality and judgment of people prevails at the end of the day.

            If it happens that media embarks a light of change people should not expect that media will bring about major or rapid changes in public attitudes since personal choice exists. While in terms of retarding these social and cultural changes, media can also be a primary factor however, again, it cannot undermine the existence of personal judgment and that knowledge over time helps to change people's attitudes or view towards the subject.

            All these should be taken into consideration; that media can work either way, as an agent of both preservation and modification of culture and society. Quoting Rosengren(1981) statement, “The question whether the mass media are agents of change or as reinforces of status quo cannot be answered in a general way.”, both can be the answer.

From a Deviant Perspective

DEVIANCE in a universal definition pertains to a person who diverges from usual or accepted social standards or who violates the accepted norms of a society. It can be analyzed that this meaning of deviance persisted in almost everyone’s vocabulary that it will be difficult for one to examine further what lies beneath that so called “label”. However, there can be another way to look at the word’s definition and not merely confine it to the common statement: deviance as seen from a Cultural Relativist perspective.

            According to Cultural Relativism, there is no such thing as universal truth in ethics because there are only various cultural codes; it challenges the belief in objectivity and universality (Rachels J. & Rachels R., 2010). The following claims, according to Rachels J. & Rachels R., 2010, have all been made by cultural relativists: (1)Different societies have different moral codes (2) The moral code of society determines what is right within that society; that is if moral code of a society says that a certain action is right, then that action is right at least within that society (3) There is no objective standard that can be used to judge one society’s code as better than another’s. (4) The moral code of one’s own society has no special status; it is but one among many. Lastly; (5) It is mere arrogance to judge the conduct of other people and everyone should adopt an attitude of tolerance towards other cultures.   

            From these arguments three main points can be interpreted—societies have varying cultures, a particular society judges what is wrong or right at least in that society only, and cultural differences must be tolerated. Nevertheless, if these claims indeed persist, how can then deviance be defined in such perspective?

            In defining deviance, considering these main points, it is, as well, relative. There is such a thing as deviance and exists within a particular subgroup—that is to say the connotation of deviance varies from a group to another which also have dissimilar cultures. The view of what is wrong and right depends in the society having a common belief and the opinion of other groups is not deemed significant in judging a deviant in their society. Therefore only that society in which a violation is observed can have the power to label its member/s as deviant/s. For example, in cultural relativity, the point of view of Callatians must be tolerated by the Greeks and not judge it by any means as inferior or superior. This is respect for other culture, also when it comes to the idea of deviance, it is but similar. Greeks cannot have the command to give the idea of what is wrong or right for the Callatians and can never therefore brand a member of it as conforming or non-conforming because only a Callatian distinguishes the violation of his fellowmen in their accepted social norms. Considering the belief that no universal moral codes exists, a Callatian deviant is for Callatian society and a Greek deviant is for the Greeks.

            A person only becomes a deviant when he disobeys the norms in the society he belongs to, however, that violator is not necessarily a deviant for other cultures. This is possible when a person belongs to not only a single group, but in two or more.  For example, a homosexual man in the world of normal genders sets a trend in fashion that is uniquely his own or in specific term “cross dress”. Identifying first the homosexual man’s groups, it is apparent that he as well belongs to the world of normal genders simply because he has a gender. He is a male. However, since he also belongs to another type of group (being homosexual) which is different from his group (being a male), he may commit a deviant act by being a cross dresser for the first group he belongs to but for the latter, it is at all, normal. A male will look at him as a violator of their gender’s fashion, but for fellow homosexuals it is accepted.

            Now, a possible question may arise from this claim: Where is now the tolerance of other society’s culture? Recalling the second argument of Rachels J. & Rachels R., it states that the moral code of society determines what is right within that society; that is if moral code of a society says that a certain action is right, then that action is right at least within that society. Cultural relativism claims that the moral codes of a society determines what is right and ,therefore, what is wrong at least within that society. The second claim does not underline that if the perspective determines what is right it also concludes what is wrong for a society.  Although cultural relativism teaches respect of other’s culture, it does not necessarily tolerate negating behavior of a person belonging in a society—that is to say his member’s do not necessarily accept it. This is because they belong in a common group which is binded by common beliefs. As a “member” a person should conform within his society just like with his co-members in the group. If the person does not follow their social norms, his fellow men can label him as a deviant but at the same time presents no culture intolerance because the person he views as violator is a member of “their group” and not of the other. Hence he is not necessarily negating a Cultural Relativist belief because the violation happened within the group itself, having a common moral code, and not a deviant in basis from culture to culture.

            Culture varies in different social groups and should be tolerated. However this does not mean that deviance cannot materialize in a society. This happens when a person has a number of groups in which he belongs to and the norms of each overlap. Also, when the judgment comes from the members of his society and not from the other, these members have the rights to label the person as deviant for they belong in the same group having common moral code, not from a completely different society having dissimilar moral codes. The deviant commits what is conceived to be wrong in that one society he appropriates himself but for his another society it is completely natural. There is no cultural intolerance since the deviant violated the social norms of his society in which he is a ‘member’ as compared to a Callatian whom is not a member of the Greeks but for the latter he is a deviant. Then here comes intolerance. 

A Mind’s Retreat

OF ALL THE SUMMERS I had I considered this one as the most productive (well a mere assumption so far). Neither because, finally, my family had been to the country’s most serene vacation spots nor I was able to accomplish every single thing in my April-May to do checklist. Not that I did get a license or special award or anything from this indisputably venerable driving school in Makati. Because to count I really can’t enumerate much from what I’ve achieved during these so called student idle days, I’m not even certain if there’re many. However one thing is for sure, I had the time of my lifetime.

            It was sort of a retreat to mind and body when the month of April came.  Following the routine I planned on the previous month all week long I can say I partly succeeded. I made clear to myself I’d finish reading three novels and the Philippine Constitution Textbook for which contents I’ve been dying to memorize or in the very least familiarize. Another thing I supposedly done reminded me of the article I read about why summer was the best time in year to get fit since the sun’s intense thermal energy was at its best mood to extremely lack apathy for a tropical southeastern country lying inconveniently nearest to the equator, say Philippiiiiiines. However, positively speaking, I decided to take advantage of the heat so I can do what I enjoyed doing—burning calories. Ha. Although if truth be told I wasn’t successful which has  wasn't surprising anyway because I always end up vacation with this kind of bang, a remorseful bang, however in terms of being figure conscious only. J. Last of all, I simply settled on making the most of each day fun and progressive, in this part let everything flow.

            I’m not going to specify each and everything that happened after all this planning. Generally, within two months, I finished playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas (sigh I hate endings L ), read two novels, went back to Laguna for a while, wrote several articles, managed to get a twitter account (still no tumbler though because I’m too lazy to administer one), bought a new cell phone, became the newest fan of the best Korean Pop boy group Big Bang, and got the kilig feeling of liking someone once again in name of Tae Yang. I also watched a number of movies, the Playful Kiss series, and each evening, (okay here comes the corney side of me) followed the ABS-CBN primetime dramas back to back to back: 100 days to heaven, Minsan Lang Kita Iibigin, and Mara Clara which I never thought I’d be fond of. I jogged a couple of times, met some of my high school friends, and most of the time went out with my family to go malling or dining outdoors. I really wanted to burst more if I intended this narrative be a novel but simply surmising it all I enjoyed everything with a capital E.

            With all these occurring there’s a thing I haven’t mentioned yet and probably won’t to everyone apparently uninformed of it. All I can say for now I guess is I’m the unfortunate miss fortune. I’m referring to my callingJ; the chance I’ve been waiting for two years from now already arrived. When the opportunity came I knew I did really well, modesty aside I’ve got the likelihood of maybe even 80/100 but going through the process became really difficult and mishap happened. Have you ever been to a situation when your skills were put into a test and then in the aftermath realized you weren’t giving your best at all? I have been. There have been regrets of complacence and at the same time lack of self trust when everybody in reality knows you can.

            The reason I’m running through these things is because I too want to understand myself. The chance came nonetheless everything went out of hand. I was almost there the big bosses knew it. But when everybody believed that I can, this sanctuary was where I belong to, and all seemed rushed, unexpectedly a voice gaped yet there’s as if nothing to be heard. Isn’t this what I want? Isn’t it I’d be happy doing forever?

            Just after so many reflections this May I figure out the answer. What I believe I dream to do for so long blinds me. I want to live without restrictions; I don’t like being judged especially before the unforgiving eyes of men. I vision to be the richest that way I can offer more help, to myself and to others. I want to do business, travel around the world, meet a lot of amazing people, eat ice cream, pizza and pasta everyday, run my breath out, work while having fun, touch lives, fall in love, and so much more. I want to know more about the world and Him. I want to discover myself.

            So after some time of thinking and experiencing what is akin to the vocation I want, I’m still definitely not letting go of it nevertheless consider it as a second choice. I have the urge to do it once again but next time I’ll make sure to be prepared and that I’m going wholeheartedly. You might suppose I’m mad for having such inconsistent thoughts but hey, beliefs are subject to changes as well. Ponder. You might realize later I’m not at all.

            Cliché as it may sound but no words can exactly describe how thankful I am for the simple things, the enjoyment, and the experiences I had during the vacation. Anyhow, I’d like to thank you also for being such a constant.

            And of course the summer.

Meet my boyfriend.

A novel by Sophie Kinsela, one of my favorite authors, given  to me by a very good friend. 

I'll definitely miss this game.

Big Bang I recently became a fan.

Unpararelled

Today while standing before these gentlemen, I died yet lived once more. This rush from high school, still familiar till now I just felt a thing worthy of comparison to...an ice cream in a course, a host's climactic tone, gooseflesh on skin, cheering audience, the summit, Christmas, marriage in life, sex within marriage, resurrected Dumbledore, a flat one GWA, accomplished mission on Grand Theft Auto, meeting Bi Rain, kissing Bi Rain, unlimited shopping spree grant, the zeal of enthusiasm, and chicken flying overboard. This is the epitome. My career life's quintessence.

On Expectations

                         Ever since God granted me this cognition, to grasp almost everything from my surroundings to implicit self, it has become my habit to always (optimistically) picture the unsure.

                         I keep on expecting.

                        My sight shuts but it sees: scenes of simple happiness from childhood. Satisfied I was before because I seldom meet disappointment. Either my own or not—that never matter as long as we speak about victory. I winning the race. Ready set on start from first grade to sixth thus become the overachiever. When I study in focus I come on top. When I contest I succeed. Speaking out of conceit, academic and non-scholastic awards delight me. However, these weigh a little less as compared to a child’s play. Being the most valuable sipa-bola player of the day, adding a new stationery paper set to my collection, a grant of extra baon from parent; and a possible glimpse of your elementary crush through eye corner sound more appealing. Then.

                        To this day sometimes I wish I am little again, nonchalant, more appreciative, and most of all less afraid to expect. Why not fearful?

                        Now my eyes open and see a clearer view. One thing I learn is that evident object deserves utmost concern consequently what is now clearer to our view catches more attention to the eyes. Our prospect is the present.

                        I neither say maturity brings none of the youthful joys nor despise being involved in the complexity of adulthood since I love simply being in it. Beginning from high school good things constantly unravel i.e. only rules and laws are the limits. Taking public transport turns usual so my parents decide to cancel my daily carpool (as if ), I can at the moment entertain suitors (however am not allowed to involve in any relationship yet), attend late night events, decide my own fate, and the rest more mature advantages—in another term become amazingly independent.

                         Naturally, there are thousand reasons to be keen on being an adult even so a mere thing hinders that pure enjoyment. We grow, yes we grow, but our demands in life increase as well, and only a hypocrite person denies this.  In cases demand can be multifaceted and when this happens I dislike it because it triggers most of my expectations.

                        Owing to the fact of the culprit dismay has been an existing word. Now that I am a no child world’s intricacy has already been a responsibility I carry upon my shoulder, nevertheless, whenever I immerse myself in the lifestyle society dictates us all the more efforts I shall give so as a result success may go at hand and within these endeavor my hopes are established.

                        Expecting has become a tendency unavoidable to me. Despite low chance situations I do it. Despite I know some things cannot be I keep my firm belief. Perhaps, I have been used to it, should I blame the past for tolerating this attitude or is it only myself as a woman whom requires change?

                        Indeed I want a change. Indeed I do not. Expectations may most of the time connotatively give a negative note because in the end it is normally accompanied by cons, first in the list is disappointment, but the pros is also a friend which most of the time serves as the challenge—will you give too much of it? Because when you do here problems arise. To expect with regards to its measure is all right.  High conveys only great power of spirit and low means a regulated determination of one’s self. Otherwise, it can be emotionally destructive.

                        Either way I choose to keep mine. Expectations give me the fervor because these are dreams in disguise.