(Okay, enough staring. I've been attempting to write
another entry since the cold turkey war, and here, at least a short one, comes
finally.)
At this moment, I want to talk about something
personal. I've been containing A LOT in my mind which I really wanna burst out
because I've not written anything for so long, I think almost a year now.
Recently, I graduated from college yet the idea seems to still run in the air
because I find it difficult to absorb the fact that college is finally...over.
Funny thing, I should feel relieved because when
someone hears 'graduation' of course that only means bye-bye (1)workload like
papers, quizzes, exams, projects, (2)terror profs, (3)classmates/schoolmates
with u-*** personalities, and most of all (4)physical and mental strains or in
other words big dark puffy eyebags combined. Graduation comes as a relief just
by thinking about this. I mean, all the complaints are finally justified the
moment a student comes up the stage and receives his diploma. If it wasn't a
formal event I can even imagine every graduate shouting and jumping right after
the first touch of the certificate. Indeed, college graduation is considered a
milestone since it cannot be achieved without going through a lot of hard work
and ships (except for those who had their thesis edited by the paid others,
they don't deserve it).
Anyway, as they say, "Congratulations Paula! You
made it!" and I reply, "Thank you!" but underneath, my mind
whispers "You made it Paula, now what?".
This question has been popping out of my
mind ever since (Now whut? 10x). So what if I graduated? So what if
I've overcome those course workloads? I ask myself now, how can somebody easily
say I made it? I know they say all these because well I've been through a phase
where my ability and character were put into test. I do deserve congratulations
after all but I find it unnerving to conclude it just like that.
Dealing with this, I took a deep breath and slowly
figured out something-- I can never ask without actually trying to search for
the answer and to find it, I can only do the work. I realized that in this kind
of situation, I wouldn't find the answer not unless I start to actually make
the answer. Hence, for now I don’t think I can fully accept it. I will
have to create the first footsteps and carry on with them until I can truly
admit “I made it”.
In connection with this, I remember writing a caption
for a photo on Facebook which goes like: Finish line is in sight on April 2,
and one good professor of mine left a comment saying, it’s not yet the finish line but only the beginning. He may be right after all, and I do hope I’m ready
and equipped enough upon my entrance.
